[Intro – whispered over a cheap phone filter]
Mirror, mirror on the wall…
Who’s the most mid of them all?
Click. Zoom. Cry. Repeat.[Verse 1]
Woke up, measured my canthal tilt with a protractor and a prayer
Jawline so soft it could file taxes for the IRS
Browsed the forums till my eyes went square
“Just mew harder, king… the gods of angles care.” Bought the mouth tape, the hard-mewing gum, the titanium chin implant dream
While my actual life sat in the corner like a low-tier NPC
Filtered selfies stacked higher than my self-esteem
Every “looksmaxxed” post just another cope meme.[Chorus]
Retard-max, retard-max
Chisel the face till the soul cracks
Retard-max, retard-max
Peak male form is just a Snapchat mask
We’re all mid until the algorithm laughs
Retard-max… and the void maxes back.[Verse 2]
Spent three grand on a rhinoplasty that still left me looking like a soft-serve cone
Gymcelled till my traps had traps, still can’t trap a single “hello”
Black-pilled the bone gods, prayed to the zygomatic arch
While the girl who likes books and bad jokes walked right past. Symbolism check:
The mirror is a black hole dressed as a bathroom light
Every “ascension” post is just another Icarus flight
With better lighting and worse insight
We’re sculpting marble statues… of people who never leave the house at night.[Bridge – spoken word over sad trumpet meme]
Irony level: god-tier.
You optimized the vessel so hard
You forgot the pilot was still running Windows Vista.
Looksmaxxing: the only religion where the prophet is a caliper
And the afterlife is “maybe she’ll swipe right this time.”[Final Chorus – louder, dumber, more triumphant]
Retard-max, retard-max
Bone structure high, emotional IQ collapsed
Retard-max, retard-max
The real glow-up was learning to laugh
At the joke written in your own face
Retard-max…
…and the universe hits “ratio.”[Outro – fading phone notification sounds]
New comment: “just mew bro”
Like.
Reply.
Cry.
Repeat.
End transmission.

#RetardMax
#RetardMaxSong
#LooksmaxIrony
#LooksmaxxingSatire Theme & vibe:
#Looksmaxxing
#BlackpillComedy
#CopeMaxxing
#MewingMemes
#MidJourney (playful double meaning)
#BoneStructureBlues
#FilterGod
#AscensionFail